Camping Trip Update

Well , it's 11:30 and although they haven't quite given up yet , they have made four trips back to the house. Once ...to use the bathroom ? Here they told me they were going rough it and they make a 20 minute canoe trip back home to use the bathroom ? Thats what they consider roughing it ? Joseph , Matthew and Lyosha have on each trip home raided the refrigerator for more food just like I thought they would. So far they have eaten 2 packages of hot dogs , peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches , 3 pounds of bananas , 4 large chicken breasts , 1 gallon of milk and plenty of snacks. Mind you this is all in the last 5 hours. Now they understand why I laughed when they told me they were just going to eat any fish they caught.

Watch for further updates tomorrow.

SHhhhh.....

Angelic , isn't he ?

Christmas Parade on Lakefront

Overnight Camping

Three of our teens left this afternoon in canoes to head out to a little island on the lake for an overnight camping trip. Sometimes when teenagers get an idea in their head to try something new you just have to let them go for it. It may make for a great learning experience. I asked them repeatedly if they were sure they were ready for this and all they kept saying was yes , yes , can we leave now ? As they headed for the door I asked , Did you check the weather report ? Answer : No...don't worry it won't rain. Do you have a flashlight ? Answer : No , do we need one ? These guys had not thought anything through to be prepared. So far they have come home once at dinner time because they didn't bring any food. Told me they would eat the fish they were planning on catching. It's now 8:00 and I'm sure they won't be spending no night out there because not one of them can stay out of the refrigerator for more than a half hours time. Every half hour something compells them to open the door and look inside as if something magically appears there after closing it. I'd place my bet on them all being home no later than 11:00

New Baby

Christmas arrived a little early for me. Skittles is a 14 week old Rainbow Lori. I waited a long time to find one of these birds.

Tiger Woods ? NOT

How many times do I have to tell teens not to play golf in the backyard ? This one not only came through the window bur rick-a-shayed around the room. I thought that only happens on cartoons ?

Jackson

Jackson feeling his way around the toybox and proud of it.

Nadia

Poor Nadia. The crew cut idea to stop her from pulling out large patches of hair just is not working. Now she rubs her head so much because she likes the way it feels that she has rubbed away patches.
Any other ideas ? She wears the helmet during the day and is fine but during the night is when she does all the damage. She was started on clonodine to help with sleep but it doesn't seem to phase her.
Also I have to watch because she has always replaced one behavior with another. Before pulling out her hair it was picking at her skin until it bleeds. Before that it was severe head banging. I may need to just decide which behavior is worse.

Canoe Trip Prep

Off on a fishing trip. Anything to keep them busy and out of trouble.

Preparing For Christmas

Preparing the outdoor Christmas decorations is a yearly tradition that officially starts the day after Thanksgiving. The littles get all excited just watching as slowly the inflatable decorations are unpacked and briefly come to life as we check for any leaks. The front yard takes us about two weeks to get set up and all the lights working properly. It is kind of our gift to the neighborhood as some people have been coming yearly to see what we have added each year.

Apryl

One pretty girl when she lets a smile loose.

Tommy 2

Dinner is finished , check my musscles mom.

Turkey Day Photos

We began preparing the meal the night before and didn't finish until 3:00 AM. Everything went off without a hitch and this year we didn't forget to cook something like in the years past. Every year it was something we forgot. One year it was the corn. Now what's a Thanksgiving meal with no corn ? Last year it was the cranberry sauce.

I'm happy to say not one child or adult child had the typical holiday meltdown that families of adopted children are so familiar with. Perhaps it was because I instituted a "Group Hug" policy that was enacted as soon as I noticed someone turning on the negativity switch. I'd yell , "Oh (name of child ) needs a group hug and we would all corner the person and give them a group hug. This would cause mass hysterical laughter and everybody knows a person can't be spouting negativity while laughing.

Thought we'd have lots of left overs especially with two 25 pound turkeys and 10 different side dishes but it doesn't look that way. These kids can eat !

Poker Tournament

Mike took 9th place out of 3,000 at a poker tourniment this week. Mike is 37 and was our first adopted child. He was 14 at the time. He works for us during the week helping with kids.

Family Soap Opera

Here are the major actors in our ever running soap opera. Every days a new dramatic episode with no repeats. Honestly , I wouldn't change it for the world. I love these kids and truly believe each one was chosen by God to live here and be part of our family. Still have a few more photos to add though.

Nadia ( Ukraine ) 8 years : Autism

Tommy ( USA ) 7 years : mild cerebral palsy

Kenia ( Honduras ) 14 years : Angelmans Syndrome

Joey ( Birth Child ) 23 years : Down Syndrome

Timmy (USA ) age 7 : ADHD

Sean ( USA ) 20 years : micro premie (1 pound ) FAS , mild cerebral palsy , shunt

Apryl ( Birth Child ) 20 years

Brianna ( USA ) 5 years : Schitzencephaly , mild cerebral palsy

Tiffany ( USA ) 23 years : Porencephaly , severe cerebral palsy

Tommy ( USA ) AKA: Scooter : severe caudal regression syndrome

Johnny ( USA ) 14 years : resolved brain tumor
and Ebony (USA ) 14 years

Scott ( Puerto Rico ) 2 years: Down Syndrome , Alopecia & heart Condition

Stephen ( USA ) 11 years : Holoproencephaly , severe cerebral palsy , tube fed , non verbal

JR. ( Birth Child ) 25 years

Asia ( birth child ) 9 years

David ( USA ) 19 years : athetoid cerebral palsy , non verbal , profound M.R.

Caleb ( USA ) 11 years : Agenesis of the Corpus Collosum

Jackson ( Ukraine ) 6 years : severe cerebral palsy , non verbal , M.R.

Max ( Russia ) 10 years : Osteogenesis Imperfecta

Mario ( Romania) 15 years

Lyosha ( Russia ) 15 years

Joseph ( Ethiopia ) 17 years

Mathew ( Ethiopia ) 15 years

Never Again !

I thought we were doing a good thing when we updated all our appliances and bought all these fancy new computerized things but it's not even one year old and my dishwasher no longer works. Oh they can fix it for the second time but it has a tendency to start fires. Tell me why I would want a dishwasher that has a tendency to start fires ? Now I have no washing machine. In a large family thats a major tragedy. They replaced parts a couple of months ago and two days ago they said it was the pump. Now that is replaced but nobody seems to know why it's not working or what F11 means , as thats what it keeps flashing. However , looking on the internet I see a class action suit do to this ongoing F11 problem. Yup...I'm whining. I want my old fashioned , out dated machines back. This computerized stuff is for the birds.

Mario & Asia

Wow ! this camera takes nice photos at night too.

David

David now an adult but forever a total care child do to profound brain damage he suffered in utero. He was born with multiple drug addictions and did not become part of our family until the age of seven. He cannot speak, has athetoid cerebral palsy and autistic tendencies.
Once again tonight he showed us just how much he is aware of what's going on around him. David doesn't wear glasses but tonight he picked up his Dads' and put them on , all the while laughing hysterically.

It's little moments like these that show me how important family is to children and that every child deserves to have one no matter how severe their disability. Before David joined our family he lived in a nursing home for those first seven years of his life. Rarely did he leave his crib. When he first joined us we taught him to feed himself. It took a whole year of hand over hand feeding but eventually it clicked and from then on David fed himself. In the nursing home he was only given blenderized foods but has learned over the years to chew his own food. Sure , he still wears diapers and he can't walk but Bob and I don't see that. We see a young man who wants to be loved and part of a family like thousands of other children all around the world. He is one of the lucky ones.

Tommy (Scooter) Washing Dishes

He may be considered handicapped in some peoples eye but he finds a way to do everything independently. That's why we prefer to use the term Differently-Abled.

Chilly Day

A chilly day that feels even chillier with the breeze coming off the lakefront is keeping the kids inside today. Tommy is perfectly happy playing the arcade games.

Matthew & Asia

This is the type of entertainment I have while cookung.

Lyosha

This young man has been with us just about a year now and has made tremendous progress. He has come long way and we are slowly seeing his former suck the air out of the room negativity slowly fade away. Oddly he made a quick turn around after the drug induced hallucinations episode. I think because he was in such a bad state and in total need of us as parents to step in and help him it caused something to click in his brain that caused him to make a big step in the attachment progress. He no longer has tantrums and is actually beginning to reach out to his other siblings if they need something.

Matthew & Joseph

Another Addition ?

I bet you thought I meant a new child. Nah , just another pet that came up to the kids while fishing. Definitely seems to have been somebodies pet. Here in Florida exotic pets are the norm. One never knows who you'll meet on the lakefront with an exotic pet in tow. This appears a little odd for an oposum as it has black soft fur rather than that straggly grey wild possum look.

Voodoo Lily

Johnny holding my voodoo lily that should bloom just in time for Christmas. I have been growing these for about three years now. I have a collection of 20 bulbs that grow into beautiful tropical like trees during the summer months but need to be dug up to bloom with no soil. Each year the bulb gets larger and larger and so does the bloom. Last year I had a 10 pound bulb that sent out a 3 foot bloom. I ended up losing the bulb by leaving it on the stove hood while cooking. Not a smart move I know. I've melted many a candle that way to.

Quiet Evening

Mario & Johnny

Mario and Johnny horsing around.

Mario

Nice to have a camera again. Here is Mario , age 15 and originally from Romania

Adopting From China ?

Yippee! Bob bought me a new camera today to replace my old one whose final diagnosis was "must have been dropped." Hopefully I can sit down and learn how to use it tonight and tomorrow I'll be able to start posting photos again.

I had an exciting conversation with my brother this week that I meant to share here and keep forgetting. My brother Joe and his wife Jing who is from China are considering adopting a child from China. I think it's a wonderful idea but then again I'm a little partial to adoption. I'm thinking it should be an easy process for them considering Jing is Chinese. If anybody out there in blogland knows a great agency I can hook them up with then please drop me an email. I told them I'd help find an agency for them to work with.

Family Portraits

I had full intentions of having a family portrait done before Christmas but things change rapidly around here and I kept putting it off do to new children coming and felt we should include them and then I thought great Ebony is home so she could be in it but even that changed. Family portraits become outdated around here pretty quick and I hate to leave kids out.

Mario is settling in nicely and has even made a friend in the neighborhood who just happens to also be an adopted child from Brazil.

We are still awaiting one more little girl who is the seven year old sibling of another child recently placed here. She should be joining us soon. Her brother wakes up everyday and asks , " Is she coming today?"

Just Mention A Lawyer

Today we found the true key that opens the door to the mental health system. All you have to say is , " Can I have your name again so I can have our attorney contact you." Seems Bob rattled some chains today at the state level and suddenly everybody we've been waiting for to get back to us concerning residential care called within an hour. Now suddenly whoever gave us the information that we would need to relinquish our parental rights in order to get long term care was wrong. That it never should have been said to us and that there job is to keep families strong and together. Suddenly available beds are popping out of the woodwork. I thought the adoption world was hard to navigate but now we are learning the mental health care system is just as bad or worse. No family should ever have to fight to get the mental health care their child needs.

Happy to say that even with all our attention focused on trying to solve our daughters problems the rest of the kids are doing great. Even cooperating by being quiet while we are talking on the phone. It's nice to see them pull together and help each other and the little ones while we try to work things out for a sibling in need.

Brief Sanity

I am brain drained after trying to navigate our states mental health care system. My daughter was finally assigned a social worker at the hospital she was baker acted to. This one finally gets whats happening. With her diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder her periods of saneness are brief and it is during these periods that they need to release her as required by law but 5 hospitalizations in a year and a half with 14 months in a locked facility should tell you something about how chronic her case is. There seems to be a great reluctance to diagnos her as paranoid schizophrenia due to her age but it is appearing more and more that this is the proper diagnosis.

In the three weeks that she was released after her 14 month stay she only had 3 good days. The help from her psychiatrist and therapist to deal with her out in the community ranged from just plain old bad advice to stupidity. Their ideas were 1. Make her sleep outside with just a blanket and pillow. 2. Relinquish your parental rights so we can institutionalize her. 3. Call the child protective services hotline and tell them you are either abusing her or about to.
These people have no clue to how the system works. Why should a parent be forced to relinquish rights to the state in order to get long term residential care ? After looking into it I discovered why. The state pays to keep so many beds available in each facility for their use thereby using up space that others can be using. Whether the "beds" are being used or not they pay , although I did learn the state has no lack of kids to put in them. Anybody who has ever dealt with cps knows what would really happen if we followed through on any of their suggestions. Besides that , I don't want to give up my daughter. I love her and want her to get the care she needs. It's not our fault she is ill nor is it hers. Her birth mother and grandmother were both schizophrenic so most likely it's inherited.
As things stand now our daughter will remain on the psychiatric ward while we work the maze of getting her into long term residential care. At this time though she is once again fully coherent.

72 Hour Hold

It has been the most exhausting 24 hours of my life and I still have not slept yet which means I've been up for 48 hours. Yesterday , Ebonys' psychiatric condition rapdly declined. She was both filled with rage , manic and delusional all at the same time. Finally we got her to the hospital this afternoon and she is on a 72 hour psych hold. Hopefully they can this time get her into long term residential care as she just cannot have her live at home. After she left today the kids began the search of the yard finding the things she buries like treasure , 10 of our Indian Artifacts bought back from a Honduran mission trip , a pearl necklace and a bunch of trinket jewelry. All things she obviously went searching through my bedroom and obviously found. Under her mattress was a a whole stash of empty ensure formula cans and ensure puddings. Our sons primary source of nutrition. More cut up clothing. Why she does these things we can never fathom. We draw the line though at any indication of violence or threats. This is her 5th psych. admission in a year and a half.
I'm heading to bed to get a good nights sleep since I've been sleeping with one eye open since she returned home only a few weeks ago. Even though we have someone thats stays up here all night long to watch over things we still needed to sleep lightly.

Drastic Action

Out of final desperation we did the unthinkable today. We have been trying various options to help Nadia from pulling out her hair. During the day we use the helmet and weighted vest which appears to give her the sensory imput she is seeking but during the night she can't possibly sleep with the helmet on her head. Last night I should have known that she quieted down to quickly but since the Dr. has just started her on clonidine at night I figured she went to sleep and knew if I so much as opened the door to peak in she's wake up screaming. This morning she had several new missing patches of hair. We had been putting off doing the one last thing that was recommended and that was to shave her head in an effort to break the compulsion cycle. She is now sporting a rather short crew cut. She was thrilled with the sensation of the clippers on her head and was rather upset when it was over. Throughout the day she would raise her hand to her head in an attempt to pull her hair but would stop and giggle as she felt the short bristles of hair left on her head.
I am beginning to wonder just how much of her needing so much sensory stimulation is from the autism and how much is learned behavior from her early years of being left in an orphanage crib with no stimulation. We are also Nadias' fourth family here in the United States. The last straw for her prior family was needing stitches in her forhead from head banging. They were afraid that someone would sooner or later suspect abuse.

R.I.P.

Chillier weather is bringing the children indoors for play earlier and earlier and with them comes their friends. This can make for a little caos at times as they need to be reminded to use indoor voices and "kick it down a notch the decibels getting overbearing." Which usually brings blank stares and questions like "What's a decibel?" or "Can you repeat that in English?"
For the third day in a row a new neighbor that moved in next door dropped off her 5 year old to play for awhile. This best not become a habit. Don't get me wrong , I love kids but , my kids not others. Somehow I think people figure hey , what's one more ? For the longest time I had complete strangers that every Friday night would drop their kids off in my driveway and leave to go out to dinner , telling their kids they'd pick them up on the way home. Huh ? What's up with this stuff ?
Today was an almost uneventful day. Only one death....not a kid , a snake. Since every kid is allowed to have a pet of some kind Mario decided on a snake. Today was feeding day and Bob picked up the requiered pinkie (mouse) on the way home from taking them all to their home school bowling league. Now we thought he understood that you just place the mouse in the cage and he eats it on his own but Mario thought he needed a little help so he force fed it causing the demise of one pet snake. He was a bit upset but took it pretty well and possibly learned a lesson. That's pretty much what our daily life here is all about , learning lessons that they can take with them wherever life leads them. Some lessons are just a little harder to bare. After a brief burial service the kids went back to life as usual. Maybe just a little bit more solemn.
Tonight Mario , Johnny and Ebony are at a speghetti dinner with the churches youth group. Ebony and Mario seem to be getting along well. I really thought at first that their personalities would clash but I've been known to be wrong before.

Two Great Books

To me reading is relaxing. It's my way of rejuvenating even if I have to steal the time to read a page here and a page there. Gone are the days of sitting and completing a chapter in one sitting but that's ok because I'm doing what I love. This is the family I always wanted and knew I'd have since I was a little girl.

Now that we have found out that our camera is not the problem but rather the charger is bad , we can't find anyone who carries the proper charger. Not that you all really to know that tidbit of info. but explains to you why I have still not been able to post photos. So therefore no cover photos of the two books I'm reading this week.

The first book I stumbled upon on Amazon and I thought I owned every book in print that was ever written about large adoptive families like ours. The title is OUR GROWING FAMILY , Bu Joanne and Rudy Sheptock. Way back in the early 1980's I met Joanne when she was speaking at a church dinner about her special family. I think back then Bob and I had just lost our first born to Osteogenesis Imperfecta at 2 years old and had one other birth son , JR. , and were running a group home for the state of New Jersey. Our first adoptive cgildren were just beginning to be placed with us.
The book is about the love story of a man , a woman and their 21 very special children.

The second book came in the mail and was a complete surprise. It was sent to the Foundation For Large Families which is a nation wide support group I run for large adoptive families. It was sent by the author , Deborah Hannah for us to review and share with other large families. The title is AN UNLIT PATH , One families journey toward the light of truth.
I am not done reading it but I will share with you the letter I received from the marketing dept. of Xulon Press :

Please accept your complimentary copy of An Unlit Path, by author , Deborah Hannah. Your support group has been chosen to receive this book because of the invaluable assistance you provide to adoptive and foster families.
The Hannah family , which consists of four biological. five adopted and many foster children, face the issues of reactive attachment disorder as well as mental illness including childhood onset schizophrenia and psychopathic personality. Further the family endures the discovery of childhood sexual abuse among the adopted children and suffers through the proceeding court cases. Finally the family themselves are challenged with false allegations of abuse and must find their way back to forgiveness.

Wow ! I think this is the first book I'm reading that not only addresses adoption and large families but also about the risks each of us knowingly need to accept when we adopt children with special needs. Many of us learn all to late that adoption agencies are only there for you in the beginning. After the adoptions are final many of us learn that there is no agency there to help you through the tough times or rather I should say very few agencies are there because I do know of two or three that have been there for some families after the fact.
I'll post a personal review when I'm through reading it.

Keeping Busy

Morning blogging just is not something any of you can look forward to coming from me. Around this place even with us home schooling my feet hit the floor in the mornings running (ok , I'm exaggerating ) and things don't slow down til well after noon time. Spent most the afternoon making up large pans of eggplant parmesan and zucchini bread never thinking they would devour it in one meal let alone like it. That's one way for me to sneak vegetables into them. I'm now taking an after dinner breather to blog a bit before Johnny, Ebony, Caleb , Max and Asia head out for youth group at church for the evening. The older ones may decide to go to the recreational center here in town for a bit so this will give Bob and I some quiet time with the other littles. Mario wasn't so sure yet about attending a youth group so he's out fishing with my brother for the evening. He seems to be blending in well with the kids and spending more time with them than Bob and I.


I really need to start preparing for the Holidays with both ThanksGiving and Christmas rapidly approaching. I know we are going to need at least 3 turkeys this year and if we don't start looking for the BIG ones now we'll be having one thousand cornish hens instead. Christmas I don't even want to think about now so instead I'll just panic about it last minute.

Living with RAD / AD

Today Marios' dad bought his belongings to our house. I watched as he took his belongings and went about his business with absolutely no emotional feelings of loss. I think I felt more sadness then he did. I have seen this reaction from children so many times over the years of our adopting. I can so feel for the pain these parents must experience as they make this final decision to disrupt an adoptive placement only to see that these children do not mourn a loss like the normal child. At the same time Bob and I are fully aware that we cannot heal these children. If there was truly a cure for attachment disorders I don't think disruptions would occurr. Instead we can only provide understanding and acceptance of children who may possibly never attach to anyone. Sometimes as adults these children do well living on their own although a successful marriage for them is not in the cards. They just can't take that closeness. With some of our children we know that we can love them but our love may never be returned.

We still are trying to sort out just how to deal with Ebony being released from residential. She is having a hard time adjusting to life outside of the facility. Living with any type of mental illness is never easy for anybody involved but one would expect that you could trust your childs psychiatrist and therapists to help make the right decisions. Yesterday we learned just how unsafe a family could be if they take the advice of any professional without fully knowing what repurcussions could occur. The professional advice we received was if our daughter is refusing to take any direction from us then we should hand her a pillow and blanket and make her sleep outside. Bob and I just looked at each other and then asked if they understood that if we did that it would be considered child abuse ? Thank God that Bob and I are fully aware of the system of family services and what they would approve of and what they wouldn't because I know none of these professionals would stand up for us after the fact. We only are aware of this stuff do to so many other families who have been traumatized by "family services" unfortunately the whole system is set up to be reactive instead of proactive. For those of you who may be unaware there really is no services in " family services." So instead we move on steadfstly in the hopes of finding a solition to the care of a child with schitzo-affective disorder.

Life In The Fast Lane

It took awhile but it appears that JR. has indeed fixed my computer woes. now that it's not crashing every 5 minutes I should be able to blog again with ease.

Life around here happens fast and sometimes there's no other way to refer to it but as Life In The Fast Lane. Just as we were finalizing Matthew and Josephs' adoption along came Tommy whose paperwork is in the process and then on Thursday our social worker called to see if we could take Mario , 15 and originally from Romania. Mario arrived on Friday to spend the weekend and see if this placement would work out for all involved. He has done extremely well and although we realize that just about all kids have honeymoon periods we think it will definitely work out. The story should end there but it doesn't. In this house children arrive through the telephone and thats what happened today. The biological sibling of Tommy will be joining us very soon. As I told our families adoption agency today , THAT"S IT ! Our family is officially finished with any more additions to our family. We just need to be oh so careful about that proverbial straw that can break the camels back. We need to take this next year and get these children really settled in and feeling a true part of the family. Within the next 4 years 7 of these children will be turning 18 and will need the support and direction to figure out where they are heading in life as far as independent living and careers or college. 4 of these are children with attachment disorders and will need the extra help of making the right choices in their lives.

Growing Again / Romania

Kids here are still on a sugar rush from all that Halloween candy. I'll sure be one happy momma when it is finally gobbled up and gone. I'm tired of picking up all those candy wrappers disposed of on the floor by our invisible child "Not Me."

We are also looking forward to meeting a 15 year old young man who is originally from Romania and may be joining our family this weekend.

I'm going to have to keep this short as my computer is once again crashing every 5 minutes. NOTE TO JR....come home this weekend son , momma needs you to fix this again.

Halloween

Kids had a great time yesterday at the annual Halloween Party at the Give Kids The World Village. They each came home with huge bags of candy and toys. Joey was the biggest hit with all the other children and even the adults. His costume was original and he was the only one there dressed up as Santa Claus.

Late in the evening we got Joseph and Matthew real good by telling them some people were at the door in costume and were asking for them. In reality it was my knight statue dressed up and pull to the door by fishing line and a little boy holding his hand. The little boy was my brother Frank kneeling with his shoes on his knees and dressed in a mask and raincoat. Just as we thought both Matthew and Joseph ignored the kid and kept trying to have a conversation with the dummy who refused to say a word. Both screamed as the little boy jumped up with a cardboard axe and grabbed them. It was one of those things you would have to have seen because words couldn't describe it well. Since my digital camera isn't working we took photos with a disposable and as soon as we get them developed I'll post our Halloween photos. It's a priceless feeling to pull pranks on the older kids.

Today Max is at Shriners finally I hope getting his body cast off. Having him roll around the house in a reclining wheelchair has not been fun. The wheelchair takes up so much room and just about every wall and door has been scratched up by his driving skills.

Reality

For several days I was living with a computer that kept crashing every five minutes so needless to sat blogging was out of the question. JR. came home this afternoon and used his computer wizardry skills to solve the problems. Which now has me thinking , all I need around here is few more adult kids to go into other fields to help keep this house running smoothly. A carpenter , electrician and a plumber would be nice. If it would be ethical I'd add in a psychiatrist , pediatrician and a round the clock therapist but that would be asking too much.

Jr. took the yahoos to Halloween Horror Night at Universal Studios on Thursday. All agree they had a great time but not one will admit to getting frightened. I did warn Joseph jokingly that people would be coming up to him with knives and chainsaws but to remember that they are there to frighten you and it was all props. Don't going pulling any knives on the actors thinking they are challenging you.

Bob helped the younger ones carve Jack-O-Lanterns out of two great big pumpkins. I'd post some photos but it seems my camera isn't working either. Seems this is a common thread for us large adoptive families. The reality is the more kids , the more things get broken around the house by nobody of course as that crazy "not me" kid keeps getting into things.

In between computer crashes I've been keeping up with Cindys' blog over at Big Momma Hollers. I don't think she realizes just how inspirational her blog is to other large families just because she tells it like it is. We can all laugh and cry together because it's like we are all walking the same path. Those of us who have been adopting over a large number of years or at least over the last decade are noticing how different the children children are now than in years past. Children with FASD have pretty much stayed the same but the children who are coming from drug abusive backgrounds or born from drug addicted mothers are way different. The drugs of choice have changed and the children are more violent and although they look like normal children their brains are damaged. These kids have very little reasoning skills and basically no cause and effect that would help them cope in eveyday life situations. Society though is not ready for them as they see a normal healthy child and they expect them to act like one thus setting their lives up for disaster. The future for children like these are very dismal. Most will end up the justice system which just deals with the punishment but never with the underlying cause of their behaviors. Sad but thats reality. Many of these kids will end up in the ever revolving door of a life in and out of jail. This is pretty much the same future for those kids we are raising with mental illness. The prison system throughout the country is overloaded by those who are there with mental illness. All the love in the world cannot cure some of these children that many of us have chosen to adopt. A very wise woman years ago told me all we can do is attempt to give these kids as normal a childhood as possible , we cannot guarantee what their future holds. Sometimes I have to remind myself of that when I as a mother start worrying about their futures.

Oh Gag Me , Please....

When I turn on the news it means I want to see and hear the "news" not somebodies opinion of the news of the day and for the past few days all I keep hearing is about Madonna adopting a child. GASP!!! How terrible. Come on folks , 65 groups opposing her adoption ? Dear God ...just think if those 65 groups would do something positive for those children in orphanages in Africa or anywhere else for that matter. Do they even have any first hand experience with how these children are living in orphanages ? I can almost bet that none of them have ever adopted a child or fostered one for that matter. Instead they just give a bunch of negative lip service to the adoption of any child who will then be removed from their heritage. The boy is not an orphan they yell....well guess what , many of the children in orphanages all over the world are not orphans in the sense of the word that the parents are dead. In fact even in America the children available for adoptions are not true orphans. Suddenly foreign adoptions are wrong. I choose to just keep clicking the remote making the nutcases that call themselves news reporters go away. 65 groups in opposition to her adopting this child and not one of them on the grounds of whether Madonna is a fit parent for this child ? Loony Toons...a bunch of loony toons.

5 Pounds of Playdoh

15 mile per hour winds blowing off the lake made for a very cold day here. We don't do cold here in Florida well. I suggested all curl up with a good book but nobody here enjoys reading a good book like I do. It seems my passion for reading was only imparted to one of my children , JR. the rest take the suggestion of go read a book as a severe punishment. In an effort to keep the younger ones entertained I whipped up a batch of cinnamon scented playdoh....a whole 5 pounds of the stuff and believe it or not that was still not enough. This was mostly do to the teens who couldn't believe I could make playdoh and then sat with the kids for two hours pretending they were helping the little ones make things out of it. It ended up being a fairly quiet day and Lord knows I need all the fairly quiet , normal like days I can get. Sometimes our family life appears to be a long running soap opera with all the drama thrown in. Who needs to watch the soaps on TV when you can star in one yourself ? Ok...so I'm not the star , probably more like a supporting actress with a different child each day filling a new dramatic role. I should make up some humorous cue cards to use throughout the day like "ACTION" , "CUT" and "THAT"S A WRAP!" Oh yeah , I can have some fun with this.

God is Talking to Me ...

Early this evening Max came rolling into the house , Mom , Mom , what should you do if God is talking to you ? Well Max , if you really believe God is telling you something first you have to check if it's Biblical because God would never tell us something that goes against His word. This didn't seem to satisfy him , I could tell something was up so I asked some questions. Max , you really think it's God. YES , says Max. By now I'm beginning to worry. Lord you gave me one child that hears voices , I certainly don't need another and I don't want these two voices conversing with each other. These thoughts followed by more questioning. Max , tell me how God is talking to you. Come with me I'll show you ! He's writing me messages in the clouds. I went outside and sure enough there it was written in the sky...." GO TO JESUS.NET "
I needed a laugh like that ! Poor Max has only been in the USA for three years. In Russia he never saw such a thing and this is the first time he experienced it in America. Skywriting Max , it's skywriting. It's done by airplane but why don't we just go check it out at Jesus.net ?

It's Official !

I am happy to announce that at 9:15 AM the adoption of Joseph and Matthew were finalized. I have to admit there were times where I truly wondered if we were ever going to make it to this day. I actually did ponder if one of them ended up in jail would a judge still allow us to finalize ? So you see , we are commited to these boys even if they are not all that committed to us. I'm beginning to think that with some older children adoptions it sometimes ends up being a one sided commitment. That's not to say we have no hope for attachment with these two but rather that the attachment may not come til adulthood.

Our adoption this morning was over shadowed by a family tragedy overnight. We were awakened by a phone call at 2 AM from our son telling us his house was burning down. Both he and our daughter Apryl were able to escape the flames but are now homeless. What ticks me off is that we live about 2 miles away , the fire dept. is about 5 blocks away and still we were able to beat the fire dept. in getting to the fire.
The fire started in a way that I never gave thought about but feel my blogging it may save another out there. It was started by laundry taken out of the dryer and piled on the kitchen table. The culprit was the metal snaps on jeans. They were so hot that when layed on the table and touching a fake flower arrangement it smoldered until flames burst out after they had gone to bed. Another lesson we all have learned late. I know we often take the clothes from our dryer and pile them. Many times I have burned my fingers on the hot jean snaps or zippers.
Needless to say , we didn't get much sleep last night so going to try taking a nap now. It looks like it's going to be a rainy , stormy day anyway.

Beautiful Sunday

Sure was a beautiful day today. Still a little on the hot side. Any day now it should get a little cooler. I love our winters here. The weather is just perfect. A nice cool breeze blowing from the beach. More like Spring weather up north.
I'd love to tell you how we made it through the weekend with no incidents from the yahoos but one is still passive aggressively acting out. Supposed to be grounded to the property due to last weeks incident but nowhere to be found today. Bob had to do a neighborhood search and there he was at the library using the computer. Now home and in his room mad at us. I've told this one time and again that just about every event that happens to him that causes a consequense is always of his own makings. Poor choices in daily life decisions but he doesn't see it that way. Instead he chooses to believe that ALL the bad things that happen to him are caused by other people. Today I chose to just be non reactive and just let him know that once again he has chosen to disappoint us and give us just another reason not to trust him. I do wonder though how much of todays doing was a last ditch effort to get us to not finalize on the adoption tomorrow ? Kind of acting out with pre-adoption jitters ?
Bob and I realize that once we finalize tomorrow things are not going to get better. We fully expect them to get worse.

Ebony is Home !

Last night Ebony was officially released from the residential treatment center. So far everything is going smoothly. It's nice to have her back home again in our care. It's like our family is whole again.

We are praying for a rather uneventful weekend since on Monday at 9:oo AM we finalize the adoption of Joseph and Matthew. I certainly don't need another weekend like last weekend but with Joseph grounded to the property I don't think he can get in too much trouble. However , Matthew is another story alltogether. Making the proper choices in life is not coming easy to these two.

Homeschoolers

Group photo of all the homeschoolers from town who gathered for the field trip to Dinosaur World. All the kids had a great time.

Dinosaur World Trip

Perfectly Boring Day

This is what I told my son when called home tonight. Just a perfectly boring day , JR. Around here boring is good. In fact I can't be having a more perfect day than then when I am having a boring one. It means there's no drama in my life and I like it that way. Nobody making waves , rocking the boat of my sanity. All is right in the world. Until tomorrow and who knows what that will bring ? In the morning we have a homeschool class to attend on the Lakefront and on Friday they are preparing to attend another class at Dinosauer World in Orlando. Sounds fun and should keep the little ones happy and busy. JR. is making plans to bring the teens to Halloween Horror Nights at Universal and all the younger ones are preparing to attend the Halloween Party at Give Kids The World.

Parenting isn't for Cowards

The rest of our day was uneventful. The yahoos slept all day until evening and don't even remember Bob or I checking on them. Now that they are feeling better they feel rather foolish when we remind them of the hallucinations they were having. However they feel having gone through what they did that there's no need to have any consequences from us for what they did. Hello , sons....what world are you living in ? You really think I'm just going to brush this off like it's no big deal. For starters they are grounded to the property for the next month unless they are with an adult. Then there's going to be the little matter of needing some type of counseling and thats just for starters.

Tonight their jaws dropped and the color drained from their angelic faces after I told them that the hospital said to expect flashbacks of the hallucinations in the coming weeks. Hey , you want to mess with drugs now you know what could happen to you and these guys were pretty darn lucky. One can't even remember puking his brains out in the living room and mumbling about all the bugs trying to come out of him.

Snakes and Bugs , Oh My !

Once opon a time there were two yahoos that went off fishing at 5:30 on a beautiful Sunday morning but something went wrong. The two yahoos thought they found some pot to smoke laying on the dock but little did they know.....

At 6:00 AM I woke to pounding on my bedroom door with Matthew Frantically calling Mom , Mom , I need you. Joseph and Lyosha are really sick. When Bob and I got to their bedroom , Joseph starts clutching at me wanting me to hold him close while begging me to keep the snakes away from him...Lyosha is telling Bob that bugs got inside him and they are all crawling under his skin.
B ob and I knew immediately that these two had taken something. After admitting what they had done we rushed them off to the hospital. That's where they spent their morning under the careful observation of the ER doctor. Seems the drugs they found was heavily laced with PCP.

My two yahoos are home now. I'd love to say lesson learned but I doubt it. I know two boys who are not leaving this property for a very long time. Wonder what the rest of our day will be like ?

A House Divided

The past week has bought many lectures to 3 of my newest teens concerning the Biblical Principal of a house divided amoungs itself is doomed to fail....and darn it , I just won't allow it. Bob and I have raised many children over the years but these three who have only joined us in the last year are the hardest kids to ever have stepped foot in our home. I seriously do understand why the original families who stepped forward to adopt them and spent oodles doing so in the process , gave up. Sometimes I just don't get where they are coming from. Bob and I have over the years taken in children and I can think of two in particular who came to us at 17 and the courts granted us guardianship over them. These two, a boy and a girl (boyfriend and girlfriend) were found by church missionaries living under a bridge. They had been living on the streets and on their own since the age of 13. These two I would have expected to have that deep seated hate within them, Yet , these two thrived when bought to us. The appreciation for our allowing them to live with us and be part of our family came easily to them. When I compare them to these three who grew up in orphanages overseas , I would expect to see some similarities but this is not so. These three I have now will look you in the face and clearly tell you how unhappy they are and we are the cause of it. HUH ? OK...I see through your pain and underneath it all what you truly mean is I am afraid of all this love. This love causes me pain. However knowing that does not diminish the pain of their words. Yesterday , after a run in with one of these teens after he had a physical altercation with another child he threw this at us...."I want you to adopt me...you can adopt me , but if you think you can make me a part of this family your wrong. I have a family. I have a brother, he's my family. Other people screwed him up and there's no way you are going to do that to me." Say what ? And just what does that have to do with the present situation ? Of course it has nothing to do with it. What it truly is about is an escape. On a deeper level this one is feeling drawn in to be a part of the family yet feels a deep fear of doing so and escapes it by lashing out but he has met his match because Bob and I who are always at first hurt by the mear words can see through it all for what it is.
I personally do have a deep fear that at least two of these three will end up in jail in the next year. Something I don't want for any of my children and thus far have been successful in the fact none of our children have. Now I have come to the realization that for at least two of these it may be in their future. First off because two of them who are black teens have verbalized to us that they will not be RESPECTED as black men unless they have served time in jail. Yes , my friends you heard me right , somewhere they have picked this up and there is no reasoning with them. They tell me that one is not a man until they have served time. I'm still trying to figure these statements out in my own mind. The only thing I keep coming back to is that both having spent time in RTC places around the country and thus exposed to kids of criminal mentalities have this deep inner desire to belong to gangs. Yup...their major goal in life is to be members of a gang. Every Mothers dream , right ? When I reason this stuff in, all I can come up with is that the gangs mentality is that they are FAMILY. Yet , if one really wants to be part of a family and it's handed to you on a silver platter do you push it away to join a gang and be part of their family ? Somehow it doesn't make sense. Somehow though , I'll figure it all out , I just hope it won't be too late to save these two though.
The third child who is part of this is not a black teen at all but white...however , he thinks he's black. He is from Russia and has just about been here for one year. Not long enough. I have this theory that I have gained over the years through experience of adopting these children and that is that it takes 3 years for a teen to truly bond with a family. somehow in his head he has always identified with the black race. Now that statement leaves a lot to ponder opon and believe me I'm still pondering away. Anyhow , these three have now bonded. All in all , thats good. One must feel bonded to someone in order to feel happy in life. However , when three children want to act as if they are a family within a family then problems are most likely to follow and follow they are. These three want the benefits of a family but not the responsibilities. They want to take...take...take.. but not give of themselves. Little things like coming and going as they please , eating meals when they want. Everything that the rest of the kids just adhere to as part of being a family these three fight against. Hey , the rule is that dinner is eaten together as a family if you're not here than I'm sorry. I am not putting your plate in the oven as you chose not to eat with us. Don't get me wrong , if they have a legitamate reason for not being here well , thats different but to not be here and expect to be served separately anf have your meal put aside....no way. They push... I pull.... and in about two more years of doing so I'll be writing you all and telling you how they finally got it and settled into the family. After we finalized on one of these three he said we were nuts as anybody else would have said no way. He just kept pushing and pushing and we kept loving and loving. I'm guessing the next two will be the same. Their adoption will be finalized on the 23rd of this month and I expect a whole lot of pushing us away before then.
Doesn't this just want to make you all rush out and want to adopt teens ? Seriously , I don't in no way write to discourage anybody. For the most part this stuff is normal in adopting teens. In the end it's a matter of just following through with the process. They push you away and you pull them closer.

Some Good News

We have some good news this week in that Ebony is being released from the residential treatment center that she has resided at for the past year. She will be moving back home next Friday. Ebony has learned a lot in the last year as far as learning how to distinquish between which thoughts in her brain are errors in the thought process and which are not but I think what has really made the difference in the final last few weeks of her stay was finding the proper medications and the right dosage.

Praying for Big Mama

Please do keep my friend Cindy from over at the blog Big Mama Hollers in prayer today. It's not going to be easy to recover from abdominal surgery with a houseful of demanding kids but through the grace and strength of God I know she will. Pray also for peace in her childrens hearts so that they don't act out too much under all their fears.

Diversity is our Strength

A mom recently wrote me and asked how we can manage so many children with such a wide variety of disabilities and why we didn't decide to just adopt children with all the same disabilities instead. It's a very valid question as I know families who have adopted children with all the same disabilities like Down Syndrome but long ago Bob and I realized just how much progress our own birth child with Down Syndrome made in life only because his examples in our home were from children with different disabilities than his own. I truly believe that the children learn from each others examples and because ones weakness is anothers strength they actually end up boosting each others milestones in daily life. In our home the diversity among the children helps build our strength as a family unit. As a mother I know that personally my emotional strength would be sapped if all my kids had the exact same disability and the kids would then only be able to draw from each others weaknesses in life. Emotionally I know I could never handle say a housefull of children with RAD , one is enough for me thank you. I must say though on a much lighter note that I have often imagined how quiet and peaceful this house would be if they were all deaf and mute. Now theres a thought , huh ?